Can you say what you feel?

Here’s a list of six basic emotions listed in research findings - anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise.

Of course you will feel many other emotions related to these, such as feelings of being tense, nervous, stressed, upset, frustrated, bored, fatigued, lonely and resentful.

It’s very difficult to face and work through painful emotions. That’s because you need to feel them so you can work through them. Talking about them, fighting against them or avoiding them simply does not help you make the change that you need.

However, many of the problems people face are perpetuated because they find it hard if not impossible to feel, accept or be open to the experience of unpleasant private feelings. This is the pain of negative emotion. People may find it hard to be with and express negative emotions if:

•  They come from a childhood environment where emotion was not expressed openly (e.g., logical and rational explanations and ideas were more important)

•  They come from a childhood environment where the expression of emotion was seen as being weak or as evidence of not coping

•  Negative emotions are seen as evidence of mental instability

•  They are not aware of many of their emotions - they have suppressed them for so long, they no longer notice when they feel sad, lonely or helpless. Instead they may just feel a big bubble of ‘low’ or ‘bad’

•  They are somewhat aware of their emotions, but they avoid them or continue to actively suppress them - they may feel afraid to experience them

•  Negative emotions are associated with extreme pain, suffering or unhappiness

•  They feel stuck in their emotions and don’t know how to move on

What you can do

Think about a time when you felt angry, frustrated or annoyed (or some other negative emotion) Can you name the emotion? Say the name out loud. Picture the situation as if you were watching a movie - be curious and interested. Breathe slowly and deeply as you watch the movie in your mind.