Do you feel numb? Do you feel empty? Do emotions seem like a big, black cloud of bad to you?

Do your feelings seem to be all mixed up together, so that you can’t label or separate one from the other?

Is it hard for you to understand what you are really feeling? Or do you experience feelings that seem to be out of step with what you expect?

Does your partner complain to you that you are unemotional, or that you do not understand him/her?

Some reasons you may not use emotions include: You may not have learned (as a child) how to express negative emotions. You may not have learned (as a child) that you are entitled to feel negative emotions. When you were young you may have experienced overwhelming emotions (e.g., fear or feeling threatened) that you could not handle. You may not recognise that experiencing negative emotions is the flip side of being human (i.e., you cannot have the positive emotions without the negative ones). You may frequently experience negative emotions (e.g., sadness, anger or fear). You may believe that negative emotions are a sign that you or things around you are not going well. You may feel out of control or uncomfortable when you experience intense feelings. You may find it hard to cope when you are feeling negative emotions. You may feel numb or overly calm in situations when you know you should normally be emotional. You may feel frustrated, angry, disappointed or guilty (or some other emotion) about having negative feelings. This is called a secondary emotion.

What you can do

Notice when your emotions arise — this is not easy, especially when your emotions are high. Where do you feel the emotion in your body? Take a deep breath to calm your emotions, and see if you can name what you are feeling.