Have you ever heard the story about the pink polar bear?

It goes something like this: over the next few minutes, please focus on what you’re currently doing and make sure that you don’t think about a pink polar bear.

The irony of this instruction is that in order to not think about a pink polar bear, you need to first bring the idea of a pink polar bear into your consciousness (and you WILL do this) and then actively push away the thought.

A further complication is that you will repeatedly bring the thought of a pink polar bear into your consciousness over the next ten minutes or so to check that you are NOT actively thinking about it (this is you doing as instructed).

This Ironic Process Theory (from Wegner, 1987) explains why, in psychology, we ask you not to actively suppress (determinedly stop doing) negative thoughts and feelings - even when they are unpleasant and upsetting.

If you suppress negative thoughts and feelings, they will paradoxically become more powerful in your thinking than if you have never suppressed them in the first place.

What should you do instead?

You can learn the skills and tools to manage your thoughts and feelings (there are dozens of ways to do this) - but try not to suppress (bury deeply) unpleasant thoughts and feelings.